July 10, 2003
A badass ball of nerves
So far, this all might sound like I'm the biggest ball of nerves ever to try to throw on a backpack. Really though, I'm a road-hardened badass. Right, like I'm fooling you. Though really, it's not polite to fall on the floor laughing like that. Sheesh.
On the one hand, yeah, I do have my share of anxieties. I feel prepared, but hey, nerves are nerves and they have a mind of their own. I've read travel, talked travel, talked with travelers, and in general have spent ages just gleaning up tips and tidbits on how to travel.
I've been working at BootsnAll for 3 years; day in and day out, I live and breathe travel in some form or another. And you know what? I know that everything I've picked up here, every tip and wotsit, may be for naught. Every trip is different. I've learned much – but the road is the teacher, not the traveler. This Europe trip will be the biggest backpacking trip I've ever done – in fact, to my mind, it is really the first true, bonafide, blaze about and travel sort of trip that I've ever done. I've lived abroad before; I've roadtripped a bit – but that's a far cry from throwing on a pack and blitzing around a continent for 4 months.
I can be prone to overthinking too. Details rule small kingdoms in my head. How do you do goatee care on the road? What do I do if a waiter overcharges me? Just how difficult is it, really, to use a Eurail pass? Are they really good value for money? Do you get eaten alive with reservation fees? Just how the hell do you haggle for a bunch of grapes anyway, or do you? How do I explain to a cybercafe manager that I need to restart that computer so I can plug in my speak'n'spell?
Bloody overactive imagination.
How much of a traveler's fear is just anticipation? How much should be dismissed? How much should be examined, given full audience to?
Oh well. I have my anxieties, and anticipation is hell. I've picked up a lot of things, and I'll pick up more on the way. For the moment I feel like I'm writing and reading, and spinning my wheels a touch. There are still weeks to go.
But really, I'm the biggest badass ball of nerves you'll ever see in a backpack. :-)
Okay – this post is done. Feel free to laugh uproariously now.
Posted by Ant at 03:28 AM
Related: Ant's Eye View, Planning My Eurail Summer Trip
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Comments
Comment by Chris Albon on July 11, 2003 03:54 AM
Ok, I feel you more than you'll know.
I have traveled my entire life. That being said, I have traveled my entire life with my parents. It has only been within the last 2 years that I have begun to travel on my own, playing, planning, packing without any overseeing help from above. And its scary as shit.
It’s scary because at some point before your trip you realize that all those neat and crazy ideas you have been planning (going without a map for instance) is ACTUALLY going to happen. It isn’t theory anymore, those 3 page forum threads on sleeping on a plane suddenly become more than a good read, it becomes real. Warning of luggage losses, overbooked hostels, street scams, robberies, theft, murder, road rage, anti Americanism, terrorism, plane crashes, train derailments, lost tickets, arrests, lost clothes, wet clothes, sleeping in the snow, sleeping wet, loneliness, sleepiness, desperation, and all other fucked up things that you've played with humorously in your mind as good forums topics are now possible occurrence in YOUR LIFE. I know it’s scary, scary as shit.
With my own trip I am planning for next summer I feel the exact same way. My fiancé just sits back and trusts that I know what I am doing/talking about:
Fiancé: “Taking a train to Madrid and finding a hostel without a booking? Sure Chris! I am sure you know what your doing and we will get a room”
Chris: “Well, I know technically some books said it was possible… but…”
BUT…
But who knows if they will all be full… who know if the only one with a room is 10 miles away and its 2 am and raining.
But who knows if I can even buy a train ticket to go to Spain, maybe the fare is too much, maybe I will forget to bring food onto the train, maybe I will forget a bag, or heaven forbid forget a wallet.
In my only-recent term as a independent traveler (meaning traveling without my parents advice/help/financial security) I have learned one thing…
Trust that WHATEVER happens, YOU are capably enough, strong enough to WIN.
What is winning?
Winning is getting a hostel is a town you know is booked to the brim, whether it’s by begging, bargaining, or bribing.
Winning is remembering to notice how long the train ride is and acting upon that by buying enough food to last its entire 26 hour length.
Winning is being able to not only survive but THRIVE in an environment in which the only thing you can rely on is your intelligence.
That being said. Once you have one solo trip under your belt its better… then you can always look back and say… I survived and even thrived on a doorstep in snowing Warsaw by making a makeshift tent out of a poncho and cooking a 3 course chicken soup dinner for two out of a tuna can. After you realize just how capable you are, then you can always say… if I did that… I KNOW I can do this.
And then when you return home, and your friends freak out in the car driving home in the blizzard from a concert at 3 am because they are afraid to be stranded… you’ll just sit back and think… this isn’t half as bad as Warsaw… this is easy…
So is it scary? Yes…
But in the end, it’s the fear that makes it so great.
Comment by Andy Standerfer on July 12, 2003 07:11 PM
Anthony,
Hang in there kid. You sound like you are doing fine to me. I think, if you didn't have to write about it at the end of the day, this would all flow over you like a stream over sand.
Take care, and remember to enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, we won't enjoy it.
Andy
Comment by CANADIAN PHARMACY on December 2, 2003 07:50 AM
nice!